Defusing Negative Emotions

Last week's blog was on emotions in general. If you haven't read it, or the previous one on thinking, please do so before you continue. Emotions are usually either negative or positive. The stronger negative emotions drive evasive behavior--often acting out behavior. The more subtle positive emotions bring comfort and peace. The goal is to avoid or defusing the negative emotions while encouraging the peaceful ones.

Negative emotions include anxiety, anger, confusion, frustration, fear. As dementia progresses the ability to judge more or less decreases and so a PlwD tends to feel most emotions at their highest level. I'm not just a little frightened; I'm AFRAID. I'm not sort of anxious; I'm FILLED WITH ANXIETY. I'm not irritated; I'm ENRAGED. The longer my feeling lasts, the more intense it gets. These are the feelings that drive the behavioral and psychological symptoms of dementia (BPSD). Therefore, it is in everyone's best interest to avoid triggering these feelings whenever possible, and to defuse them quickly when they do occur.

Negative emotions are usually a response to stress. The problem is that the PlwD may no longer be able to connect cause and effect--this requires abstract thinking. Thus, they may not know why they are acting angry, or frightened. Thus, the care partner's job is to recognize and avoid such stresses whenever possible and to end them as quickly as possible when they do happen.

You can't use reason or time-related solutions. Dementia takes away a person's ability to reason and which requires abstract thinking. It also keeps them in the here and now--they don't understand "later." But there are many things you can do. Start preparing as soon as you have a diagnosis...or sooner! Don't wait until the PlwD's abstract thinking is all gone to start.

• Add structure to the PlwD's life by establishing daily and weekly routines and rituals. Structure promotes positive the feelings of comfort and safety and limits negative feelings of confusion and fear. The sooner in your journey you do this, the easier it will be to do.
• Routines should include events that encourage sociability such as visits from family and friends (one at a time). Start adult daycare before it is needed, so that it can be accepted and even enjoyed.
• Routines should also include meaningful activities, such as folding clothes, doing dishes, working jigsaw puzzles or playing a card game.
• Add simplicity. Remove clutter, unnecessary knickknacks and furniture. Like structure, simplicity replaces confusion and fear with feelings of comfort and safety.
• Develop a play list of the PlwD's favorite music. Music is very calming and thereuptic.
• Learn what things are most likely to cause negative emotions for the PlwD, and avoid these whenever possible. (These will be different with each person. Dave may be afraid of dogs, Mary may get upset when she is rushed, June may do very poorly in crowds.)

In the present:

• Continually use verbal reassurance. "I love you. You are safe. Everything is/will be OK." Compliments and positive messages need to be voiced over and over to be really effective. (It takes 6--or more--positives to counteract a negative.)
• Practice hugging and loving touch. (Custodial touching doesn't count. That is, helping them onto the toilet, into a chair or into bed don't count. The touching needs to be volunteered because you want to, not because you need to. (Remember the 6 to 1 rule.)
• Maintain routine and rituals religiously. Always have friends in on the same day at the same time. Always make folding clothes, or doing dishes, or whatever, the PlwD's job. Always ...
• Make no unnecessary changes of furniture or decor. Replace old clothes with similar ones. Don't offer "new" foods. Variety is no longer fun!
• Recognize acting out as a stress-related response, and look for the trigger, then deal with that, not the behavior.
• Use music as much as you can, starting with that play-list of favorite songs, and going on to others that the PlwD enjoys. Music in the house is soothing and brings about positive emotions.

Finally, take care of yourself. An overextended, sleep-deprived, ill, or unhappy caregiver is a strong stressor for the PlwD. They will mirror your feelings and add their own feelings of inadequacy and fear of desertion. (See other blogs on caregiver care.)

Next week, we start talking about using your knowledge about emotions with specific symptoms.

* Acronyms:
LBD: Lewy body dementia
PlwD: person living with dementia
PlwLBD: person living with LBD
DLB: dementia with Lewy bodies
PDD: Parkinson's disease with dementia
MCI: mild cognitive impairment
MCI-LB: the form of MCI that precedes LBD
BPSD: behavioral and psychological symptoms of dementia

For information about Lewy body disorders, read our books:
A Caregivers’ Guide to Lewy Body Dementia
Managing Cognitive Issues in Parkinson's and Lewy Body Dementia

Helen and James Whitworth are not doctors, lawyers or social workers. As informed caregivers, they share the information here for educational purposes only. It should never be used instead of a professional's advice.